[[tachy at 110 bp holding at 100 over eight. he's gonna need blood, get four units on that]] [Verse 1] it's a dangerous world out there baby you got random attackers you got polluting oil shale frackers you got brain-injured linebackers you got democratic election hijackers you got North Korean hackers logging into your fitness trackers you got animal crackers uncaged and roaming free you got earthquakes and rattlesnakes outbreaks and yellowcakes unfair shakes and grave mistakes for chrissakes, here's what it takes [Chorus 1] write me down as your emergency contact we'll get this thing together babe and we'll break it all down and if you list me as your emergency contact we can handle this babe and in my official duties as your emergency contact i'll keep it cool baby just like a miracle on ice and be sure you have me down as your emergency contact it's the smart move, baby take my expert advice [[still no pulse. clear!]] [Verse 2] who knows what they'll throw at us next, baby it might be psychotic depression malignant tumor progression a massive bullshit session with the medical profession it could be demonic possession the next global recession a rude facial expression or some other microaggression it could be gamma rays a fiery blaze dark days with general malaise power plays that go sideways now what i say's [Chorus 2] be sure you have me down as your emergency contact and we can make it happen baby [[it's not lupus!]] and if you let me be your emergency contact we can take on the world babe and write me down as your emergency contact we'll do a number on this thing we'll make it wish it stayed in bed and if you have me as your emergency contact we'll go to school on this baby and we'll come out ahead [keyboard solo] and be sure you have me as your emergency contact you in good hands baby you can sleep safe and sound tonight and if you let me be your emergency contact every little thing is gonna be alright

[[encounter creatures far in advance of our own rather primitive species]] Verse 1: there are some areas of art and beauty of which you could say i'm a connaisseur and there's a piece i've got my eye on i've never been so sure cleopatra and jackie o helen of troy and marilyn monroe that cat getting chased by pepe le pew they ain't got nothin' on you [Chorus 1] i ask is it okay if i join you? she says yes, and then i say to myself what we have here is a fine specimen (fine specimen) [Verse 2] she's exactly what i need to keep me warm in front of me this glistening illustration [[a perfect example]] of the human form she's so easy on the eyes i can feel my blood pressure rise not to jump to far ahead but i wouldn't kick her out of bed [Chorus 2] this feeling's overpowering and if i were a lesser man i might blurt it out aloud to everybody that what i'm lookin' at here is a fine specimen (a fine specimen) [Bridge] [[the mating ritual continues]] [[the female in the middle dances with both enthusiastic males at the same time]] [Chorus 3] i can't help but appreciate the many assets you're posessin' and admire what i see before me this quite fine specimen (a fine specimen) [[man, there's a swarm of them, did someone kick over a douchebag nest?]]

[Intro] [[okay, . . . two people. . . searching for love, for salvation . . . good, good, love that. thought it would be something worse! worse that the total agony of being in love? as if!]] [Verse 1] we've each got a quirky sidekick pal our backstories mesh together well we have this chemistry on-screen there's only one thing it can all mean [Chorus 1] let's have a meet cute then i'll begin my pursuit we'll start to get along till something goes wrong an angry goodbye soon you're with another guy [[that was fast]] now you're boarding a plane and i'm running through the rain to say i think you're the bomb [[Elaine!]] how bout we make a rom-com? [[nobody puts baby in a corner. here's looking at you, kid]] [Verse 2] i'm clueless, pretty woman in pink enough said, or say anything you think we'll have tiffany's for breakfast, love in the afternoon and while you're sleeping or sleepless, we'll be struck by the moon [Chorus 2] let's have a meet cute then i'll begin my pursuit we'll start to get along till something goes wrong a dramatic goodbye [[i think i'm gonna cry!]] now you're boarding a plane and i'm running through the rain to say i think you're the bomb why don't we make a rom-com? [[you complete me you had me at hello i'll have what she's having]] [Verse 3 / Bridge] you got 27 dresses for 50 first dates 16 candles or ten things that i hate 10 days to lose a guy with a 7-year itch or have a big fat wedding because you're crazy rich [Chorus 3] let's have a meet cute then i'll begin my pursuit we'll think there's something wrong just a mix-up all along [[big mistake]] soon you're with that other guy [[she's not wasting any time]] now you're riding a train that i'm chasing in the rain to say i think you're the bomb what say we make a rom-com? [Chorus 4] let's have a meet cute [[how very refreshing, a man who doesn't believe in marriage]] we'll think there's something wrong now it's time to sing along there's an angry goodbye don't forget that other guy now you're boarding a plane and i'm running through the rain to say i think you're the bomb how bout we make a rom-com? [Outro] [[nice boys don't kiss like that. . . oh yes they fucking do]] let's have a meet cute

[[for quality assurance, your call may be monitored or recorded. i understand complete sentences, so please tell me in detail, how may i help you today?]] [Verse 1] i saw about your work anniversary, congrats did they give you a pen? or maybe they do plaques they shoulda made you manager, five years is a while [[stay on the line to speak with a representative]] maybe they did, and you didn't update your profile [Chorus 1] i've spent enough of my life combing through email folders these fingers typing you unsent messages they should be running across your shoulders it's never been hard to send an e-card [[you've got mail]] you know i wish you well maybe you'd LOL if i texted you a gif IMHO it'd be better to share it with you IRL eye ar ell [[one moment while we connect you with a customer service specialist]] [Verse 2] i've seen your posts, your vacation by the sea funny seeing you with him, thinking it could've been me and when you changed your relationship status to "it's complicated" my feelings aren't complicated [[i bet a lot of people like you; i know i do]] [Chorus 2] i've spent enough of my life combing through email folders these fingers typing you unsent messages they should be running across your shoulders it's never been hard to send an e-card you know i wish you well maybe you'd ROFL if i SMSed you a gif TBH i would prefer to share these feelings with you IRL eye ar ell [Bridge] please check to confirm that you've made the right selection i'm hoping that we haven't lost our connection [Chorus 3] i've spent enough of my life combing through email folders these fingers typing you unsent messages they should be running across your shoulders it's never been hard to send an e-card you know i wish you well, baby maybe you'd LYAO if i PMed you a gif OTOH we could just get back together IRL [[sorry, i didn't quite get that]] eye ar ell eye ar ell [[thank you for calling. if you feel you were disconnected in error, please call back. we apologize for any inconvenience]]

[Verse 1] tyrannosaurus rex was the king of the mound all day that fella was struttin' around then he turned and said what's that sound? the place went quiet, the pterodactyls were downed sixty million years later you look under the ground that's where our hero's old bones are found napoleon bonaparte conquered a few till his winning streak snapped in russia & waterloo general custer he was doin' fine too till he had a little bit of a run-in with the sioux so while you're standin' there admiring the view keep in the back of your mind that it could happen to you [[here on the morning of september second, the drama of surrender reached its climax. in a ceremony that lasted only twenty minutes, the fate of japan was sealed forever.]] [Chorus] you might be riding high livin' a life you'd choose not a care in the world but everything to lose walk a mile in another man's shoes you'll learn what it's like to be singin' the blues one minute you're drunk with power to abuse but you could count ten seconds and find out you're old news [Refrain] [[it was panic]] old news [[sixteen and a half million shares of stock sold in a single day]] [Verse 2] no matter how smoothly you think it'll sail have your fun but keep an eye on your tail you may be at the top, but the second you fail they could seize your possessions and lock you in jail but maybe that coffin's still missing a nail so think about this before you go down that trail [[the kidnapping of little charles a. lindbergh junior was a tragedy, not only to colonel and mrs. lindbergh but to the nation]] [[in this house, dillinger was found and arrested]] take your fortune for granted and you'll be filled with regret a payback target karma's waitin' to get so pause for a moment to reflect on one thing the ephemeral nature of your status as king the one you laugh at while you're a rising star of the town is the first face you'll see on your way back down [[have you no sense of decency, sir?]] [[well, i'm not a crook]] [Chorus] [Refrain] [[did you ever take banned substances to enhance your cycling performance? yes]] old news [Verse 3 / Bridge] everything is ninety-nine percent but there's one tiny little issue it could take a nosedive it could go bust, sour, south, or sideways crater, bomb, implode, blow up in your face go off the rails like a runaway train spiral out of control or circle down the drain [[bernie madoff, you could argue, ruined scores and scores of people, but in your interview, he seems to suggest they shoulda known better]] [[gary shephard reports on this weekend's bloody action in beijing]] [[police report other beatings and scattered looting across the city, all in reaction to the verdict]] [[activists, lawyers, and human rights organizations have described the first year of sisi's term in office as a return to egypt's dark days of oppression]] [Chorus] [Refrain] old news [[two fellas in the soviet union were walkin' down the street and the one of 'em says, 'have we really achieved full communism? is this it? is this now full communism?' and the other one said, 'oh hell no, things are gonna get a lot worse!']] old news . . . old news . . . old news. . .

[Verse 1] it's widely understood that events seldom play out as we rehearse and it's true some people make commitments then come to view them as a curse but this love that we share sustains us through the better and the worse [Chorus 1] it wasn't long before we realized and no one who knows us will be surprised to hear there's a look that i see in your eyes that tells me we're still going strong as advertised as advertised as advertised still going strong as advertised [Verse 2] one often hears the warning issued that the buyer should beware but neither one of us is the type who'd throw a tantrum because the other changed their hair and this bond that exists between us we didn't form it on a dare [Chorus 2] it wasn't long before we realized and no one who knows us will be surprised that there's a feeling that i get when i look in your eyes that tells me we're still going strong as advertised [[you got it, that sure, secure, confident feeling]] as advertised [[lasts an extra, extra, extra long time]] as advertised still going strong as advertised [[it takes a licking and keeps on ticking]] [Bridge] [[long-lasting freshness]] [[known for being tough under fire]] [[really satisfies]] [[still going]] [Chorus 3] it wasn't long before we realized and no one who knows us could be surprised that there's a look beaming out through those starlit eyes that tells me we're still going strong as advertised as advertised as advertised still going strong as advertised [[a fresh feeling and stronger hold]]

[they are the world's most deadly assassins] [your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to get the document and bring anna kurkoska to safety] [people listen up, this is a national security emergency, we have an imminent threat] hands tied behind the chair they ask me where's your wife what you talking 'bout, i've never seen that woman in my life meanwhile they don't hear the footsteps and the lights go black that's just how my baby goes about gettin' her man back i got your six [now pay attention double-o seven] it's part of the contract i got your six [welcome to the program] and you got me back i got your six [we have to assume that there's no one we can trust] it's part of the contract i got your six [there is one man] and you got me back [block all the exits, give the asset a green light. take them both out] [covering fire!!!] we come in heavy and i cover you as we're going in grab the documents take out a couple badguys for the win there's all sorts of suspicions that this job can arouse but keeping cover under pressure was written in our vows i got your six [bond, james bond] it's part of the contract i got your six [jack, i know this isn't protocol] and you got me back i got your six [you just killed a helicopter with a car] it's part of the contract i got your six [i was out of bullets] and you got me back [once the damage is done, you're not gonna be able to cut a deal, give me the kill code now] [we don't take care of this, we will both burn] clinging to the ledge you got a badguy on your leg take my hand and let's see if we can take him down a peg boost you over the fence and we make our getaway we said till death do us part but that will be some other day i got your six [buckle up] it's part of the contract i got your six [shaken, not stirred] and you got me back i got your six [come with me if you want to live] it's part of the contract i got your six [this is not a drill, soldier] and you got me back [launch countermeasures] it's a pleasure dodging bullets with you [you really think you have a chance against us, mister cowboy?] it's a pleasure dodging bullets with you [yippie ki-yay, motherfucker] it's a pleasure dodging bullets with you [mister president, it's been an honor] it's a pleasure dodging bullets with you [he's making his first mistake. they don't make mistakes] [you're a disease] [it's not a tumor!] [and i'm the cure] [it's not a tumor... at all!] [now i want you to choose your next words very carefully] [i will look for you. . . i will find you. . . and i will kill you] we find a private plane slide in under the wing baby's takin' the cockpit do you know how to fly this thing? i got your six [you know how to use these things?] it's part of the contract i got your six [no idea whatsoever] and you got me back i got your six [hasta la vista, baby] it's part of the contract i got your six [missed it by that much] and you got me back i got your six [you're very impressed with yourself, aren't you?] it's part of the contract i got your six [i have my moments] and you got me back i got your six [you still alive, baby? unnnhhh] it's part of the contract i got your six [i'll be back] and you got me back [this is a code ten abort. i want everyone back in the vehicles, this is a code ten abort] [what was that? it's the finale] [as always, should you or any member of your IM force be caught or killed, the secretary will disavow any knowledge of your actions. this tape will self-destruct in five seconds] [i request the cone of silence]

[[tachy at 110 bp holding at 100 over eight. he's gonna need blood, get four units on that]] [Verse 1] it's a dangerous world out there baby you got random attackers you got polluting oil shale frackers you got brain-injured linebackers you got democratic election hijackers you got North Korean hackers logging into your fitness trackers you got animal crackers uncaged and roaming free you got earthquakes and rattlesnakes outbreaks and yellowcakes unfair shakes and grave mistakes for chrissakes, here's what it takes [Chorus 1] write me down as your emergency contact we'll get this thing together babe and we'll break it all down and if you list me as your emergency contact we can handle this babe and in my official duties as your emergency contact i'll keep it cool baby just like a miracle on ice and be sure you have me down as your emergency contact it's the smart move, baby take my expert advice [[still no pulse. clear!]] [Verse 2] who knows what they'll throw at us next, baby it might be psychotic depression malignant tumor progression a massive bull**** session with the medical profession it could be demonic possession the next global recession a rude facial expression or some other microaggression it could be gamma rays a fiery blaze dark days with general malaise power plays that go sideways now what i say's [Chorus 2] be sure you have me down as your emergency contact and we can make it happen baby [[it's not lupus!]] and if you let me be your emergency contact we can take on the world babe and write me down as your emergency contact we'll do a number on this thing we'll make it wish it stayed in bed and if you have me as your emergency contact we'll go to school on this baby and we'll come out ahead [keyboard solo] and be sure you have me as your emergency contact you in good hands baby you can sleep safe and sound tonight and if you let me be your emergency contact every little thing is gonna be alright

[Intro] [[okay, . . . two people. . . searching for love, for salvation . . . good, good, love that. thought it would be something worse! worse that the total agony of being in love? as if!]] [Verse 1] we've each got a quirky sidekick pal our backstories mesh together well we have this chemistry on-screen there's only one thing it can all mean [Chorus 1] let's have a meet cute then i'll begin my pursuit we'll start to get along till something goes wrong an angry goodbye soon you're with another guy [[that was fast]] now you're boarding a plane and i'm running through the rain to say i think you're the bomb [[Elaine!]] how bout we make a rom-com? [[nobody puts baby in a corner. here's looking at you, kid]] [Verse 2] i'm clueless, pretty woman in pink enough said, or say anything you think we'll have tiffany's for breakfast, love in the afternoon and while you're sleeping or sleepless, we'll be struck by the moon [Chorus 2] let's have a meet cute then i'll begin my pursuit we'll start to get along till something goes wrong a dramatic goodbye [[i think i'm gonna cry!]] now you're boarding a plane and i'm running through the rain to say i think you're the bomb why don't we make a rom-com? [[you complete me you had me at hello i'll have what she's having]] [Verse 3 / Bridge] you got 27 dresses for 50 first dates 16 candles or ten things that i hate 10 days to lose a guy with a 7-year itch or have a big fat wedding because you're crazy rich [Chorus 3] let's have a meet cute then i'll begin my pursuit we'll think there's something wrong just a mix-up all along [[big mistake]] soon you're with that other guy [[she's not wasting any time]] now you're riding a train that i'm chasing in the rain to say i think you're the bomb what say we make a rom-com? [Chorus 4] let's have a meet cute [[how very refreshing, a man who doesn't believe in marriage]] we'll think there's something wrong now it's time to sing along there's an angry goodbye don't forget that other guy now you're boarding a plane and i'm running through the rain to say i think you're the bomb how bout we make a rom-com? [Outro] [[nice boys don't kiss like that. . . oh yes they ****ing do]] let's have a meet cute

[they are the world's most deadly assassins] [your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to get the document and bring anna kurkoska to safety] [people listen up, this is a national security emergency, we have an imminent threat] hands tied behind the chair they ask me where's your wife what you talking 'bout, i've never seen that woman in my life meanwhile they don't hear the footsteps and the lights go black that's just how my baby goes about gettin' her man back i got your six [now pay attention double-o seven] it's part of the contract i got your six [welcome to the program] and you got me back i got your six [we have to assume that there's no one we can trust] it's part of the contract i got your six [there is one man] and you got me back [block all the exits, give the asset a green light. take them both out] [covering fire!!!] we come in heavy and i cover you as we're going in grab the documents take out a couple badguys for the win there's all sorts of suspicions that this job can arouse but keeping cover under pressure was written in our vows i got your six [bond, james bond] it's part of the contract i got your six [jack, i know this isn't protocol] and you got me back i got your six [you just killed a helicopter with a car] it's part of the contract i got your six [i was out of bullets] and you got me back [once the damage is done, you're not gonna be able to cut a deal, give me the kill code now] [we don't take care of this, we will both burn] clinging to the ledge you got a badguy on your leg take my hand and let's see if we can take him down a peg boost you over the fence and we make our getaway we said till death do us part but that will be some other day i got your six [buckle up] it's part of the contract i got your six [shaken, not stirred] and you got me back i got your six [come with me if you want to live] it's part of the contract i got your six [this is not a drill, soldier] and you got me back [launch countermeasures] it's a pleasure dodging bullets with you [you really think you have a chance against us, mister cowboy?] it's a pleasure dodging bullets with you [yippie ki-yay, mother******] it's a pleasure dodging bullets with you [mister president, it's been an honor] it's a pleasure dodging bullets with you [he's making his first mistake. they don't make mistakes] [you're a disease] [it's not a tumor!] [and i'm the cure] [it's not a tumor... at all!] [now i want you to choose your next words very carefully] [i will look for you. . . i will find you. . . and i will kill you] we find a private plane slide in under the wing baby's takin' the cockpit do you know how to fly this thing? i got your six [you know how to use these things?] it's part of the contract i got your six [no idea whatsoever] and you got me back i got your six [hasta la vista, baby] it's part of the contract i got your six [missed it by that much] and you got me back i got your six [you're very impressed with yourself, aren't you?] it's part of the contract i got your six [i have my moments] and you got me back i got your six [you still alive, baby? unnnhhh] it's part of the contract i got your six [i'll be back] and you got me back [this is a code ten abort. i want everyone back in the vehicles, this is a code ten abort] [what was that? it's the finale] [as always, should you or any member of your IM force be caught or killed, the secretary will disavow any knowledge of your actions. this tape will self-destruct in five seconds] [i request the cone of silence]